Are you a Shifter or an Absorber?
Contributed by Stephanie Staples at Your Life Unlimited
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Before we get to it this week, I have to say thank you for so many caring responses to the video on my Mom’s passing (you can view it here), thank you – every message helped me. I thought I’d share this one message, in hopes it may give you a new perspective on someone you’ve lost – with a special thanks to our New York community member Zvi…
Imagine that you are working in a Branch Office and there is a FANTASTIC worker there. This worker makes everyone feel good, they all work “better” because of this worker. This worker is SO personable, this worker is just SO special, this worker makes the whole office SING! One day, this great worker receives a message, the contributions of this worker have been reported and the worker is now going to be PROMOTED to the HEAD OFFICE, wow!! And so the worker leaves. People are SO sad. They REALLY miss that worker, BUT they also know that this worker has been PROMOTED. This is a “Step up” for the worker, and so, while they will miss that worker SO MUCH, they also are “happy” that the good that this worker did has been recognized, and rewarded, with a promotion. If you consider this world the “Branch Office” and your person the “worker”…. maybe this will “help”. *** I’ve been having conversations about self-compassion with a lot of clients lately so I thought perhaps some conversation starters on blame might be of use.
Are you a ‘Blame Absorber’ or a ‘Blame Shifter’?**
Do you tend to immediately take the blame for something gone amiss, assume it’s your fault, take responsibility for something that is out of your control, and/or apologize frequently? If so, you may fall under the Blame Absorber category. How is this being an absorber serving you? Are you letting others ‘off the hook’ when taking responsibility may actually be beneficial for them?
Or…
Do you tend to find someone else to blame much of the time, do you find circumstances, people, situations to be scapegoats when things aren’t going your way?
No one likes looking bad and/or feeling/being embarrassed but noticing which blame tendency you have may help you improve your communication and both personal & professional relationships.
Choose a nice, safe, quiet time, when tension is low and have a conversation about absorbing and shifting blame with someone that matters to you.
Of course, we all do both at times, but it’s likely that you have a tendency toward one or the other. Neither is great – absorbers may take away the power of responsibility from others and drain themselves and shifters may see themselves as victims because they don’t see their part in situations.
Blame Absorbing & Blame Shifting – a discussion about these may just improve self-awareness and relationships!
And if you don’t like this e-news, it’s not my fault! Steph
PS – I’m booking in-person and virtual events for 2022 now! Here’s what the CEO of my first post-COVID, in-person engagement had to say about our time together…
**Check out more about this concept in Sheila Heen’s research & books.
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